2011年6月30日 星期四

0630田野筆記—離開田野


    做田野調查,總是會離開田野,方法學的書上說那需要一個準備的過程。我卻怎麼樣都準備不來。

    我的床邊放著宇強媽媽昨天給我的十二盒水蜜桃,故意跟她說,在離開前想跟她聊天,硬要給錢她也不肯收。她是我山上第一個媽媽。在我第一年暑假來到山上時就跟宇強在國中的宿舍朝夕相處。我們騎車去內灣吃飯,在學校裡面走路發呆。這個後山的少年是我的導生也是我兄弟。隔了一年我回到山上,居然又成了宇勝的導師。第一次居住在一千多公尺,裹棉被都冷到發抖,早起種香菇,看高麗菜因為雨水凍裂,踏過未好好維護的李棟山還有古堡。我是在玉峰村馬美八鄰學會山上的許多事。我真的不會忘記,在宇強的畢業典禮上,宇強媽媽拉我的手說要一起照相,她說:「宗翰也是我兒子,我們這樣一家人拍照!」

    今天早上我六點多在那羅部落醒來的時候,奶奶已經採好玉米在處理,一旁的小芸也在幫忙,Bahu還在拔雞毛,奶奶說:「我只有兩件事交代,我等下會去山上工作,冰箱的山藥已經處理好了,你媽媽的手怕她會癢。玉米會放在冰箱旁邊,雞在冷藏,你都不要忘記。」我一邊聽,昨天晚上在「史卡帕」造成的宿醉恍神還是有點讓我分神。最後的印象是自己從某一首歌開始就不斷掩面哭泣。我第二個媽媽桂春在我耳邊輕輕說:「我真的是把你當自己的兒子!」這個媽媽很氣我不多待幾天,硬是湊了一個歡送趴,本來說喝茶聊天的聚會,當然就隨氣氛變成金牌還有歌聲的熱絡。也只有媽媽會用冰水替喝醉的兒子擦拭額頭手腳。那是桂春媽媽式的溫柔。至於李奇軒,他也是我兄弟,可是他很欠揍。

    我的車上,滿載著水蜜桃、玉米、山藥、山雞。淚流不停。向一個奶奶,兩個媽媽,兩位兄弟,還有無數家人道再見,此行看來不是結束田野而是離家了。

2011年6月8日 星期三

Becoming A Better Person

To make a choice among the things that one is interested, to decide which road to take, and at what age was undoubtedly difficult for me. It was like a similar request to a magician to perform just one trick. However, human rights and later anthropology led me to a world where knowledge to humanity is to help and to grow. I finally found peace in the pursuit of a dream to become a social scientist, an anthropologist, a better person.

From the earliest time I can remember in my life, I have been rather officious over everything unjust to me. I reported classmates bullied in primary school, voted against the installation of air-conditioning for environmental protection in high school, and became a rebel of the nation according to my mom when I worked in Taiwan Association for Human Rights. Really it is an inner desire to speak for the less cared and the vulnerable.

Yet I am still likeable for my wits and spontaneity. People find me amusing because I can turn boring daily life into bizarre stories. Never have I had intention to allure but to tell to live.

So when I stood at the crossroad at my life, I always chose to be a teller. I was a teacher, of course half forced by my family’s expectation, a speaker, a host, an anchor, and finally just a story teller living in the mountain.

People ask me, “Why does it take you so long to finish your thesis?” Instead of explaining how turning over the wrongful modern description of aboriginal people could be a painful task, I said, “There are too many stories to be written down.”

There is a big hope for me to find the correctness in not only just my topic of research. I want to take the pains to identify myself with my aboriginal friends to obtain an insight into the restless world, and the unsettled being, myself.